Finding a godly Christian boyfriend is an important decision. The Bible offers much wisdom on the qualities to look for in a potential spouse. Here are some key biblical principles to keep in mind when evaluating a potential Christian boyfriend:
He is a sincere follower of Jesus
A Christian boyfriend should have a real, personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Look at the fruit in his life as evidence that he truly knows and follows the Lord (Matthew 7:16-20). Does he show a desire to read the Bible, pray, worship, serve others, and grow in his faith? Or does he just identify as a “Christian” without demonstrating the traits of a disciple of Christ?
“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14). Marrying a non-Christian is unwise. Look for a boyfriend who shares your devotion to Jesus.
He exhibits the fruit of the Spirit
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law” (Galatians 5:22-23). A godly boyfriend should display this Christ-like character. Look for a man who is loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle and self-controlled.
Pay attention not just to how he treats you, but also how he interacts with others, especially those closest to him like family and friends. The true test of character is how someone behaves over time, so don’t rush into a relationship until you’ve seen his consistent lifestyle and personality.
He is responsible and hardworking
“But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8). A godly boyfriend will have a sense of responsibility, maintaining a job and managing his finances well to provide for a future family. Laziness and irresponsibility are not Christ-like.
Look at how he spends his time and money. Does he work diligently? Is he wise and generous with whatever income he has? Or is he undisciplined and constantly broke? A mature Christian man will be responsible, reliable and have a good work ethic.
He leads with humility and respect
“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives” (1 Peter 3:1). God calls a husband to lovingly lead and serve his wife. So look for a boyfriend who follows Christ’s example of servant leadership.
Does he listen to your ideas and value your gifts? Is he reasonable and respectful in how he communicates, even during conflict? Or is he prideful and domineering, demanding to get his way? Marry a man who leads like Jesus – with humility, wisdom and care for others.
He has integrity and self-control
“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous” (Hebrews 13:4). Stay far away from a boyfriend who pressures you sexually or seeks to arouse desires that cannot righteously be fulfilled outside of marriage. A godly man will uphold moral purity in both mind and body.
Pay attention not only to how he treats you physically, but what media he consumes. Does he watch things that promote lust? How does he handle temptations online? Look for a man of integrity who controls his passions and lives honorably.
He cares for you sacrificially
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). The Bible calls a husband to sacrificially love his wife as Christ loved the church. While you’re dating, look for this same selfless attitude. Does he care more about your well-being or his personal interests? Is he quick to apologize for wrongs?
A boyfriend motivated by affection for you and the desire to serve you is a precious gift from God. But be wary of selfishness or entitlement on his part, which will likely carry over into marriage.
He seeks godly counsel for the relationship
“Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety” (Proverbs 11:14). A wise boyfriend will recognize the value of input from parents, a pastor, or a mentor as your relationship gets more serious. If he avoids accountability, that’s a red flag.
Also beware of a boyfriend who isolates you from family and Christian community. Healthy relationships welcome outside guidance; controlling or manipulative ones do not.
He desires marriage and family
“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22). A godly boyfriend will have the long-term goal of marriage in mind. If he shows hesitancy or is passive about taking steps toward engagement and marriage, exercise caution.
Talk about your future dreams and expectations early on. Make sure you’re both on the same page when it comes to relationship goals and timelines. Marriage to a committed Christian man is a blessing from the Lord.
He stimulates you spiritually
“An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain” (Proverbs 31:10-11). Look for a boyfriend who encourages your walk with Christ, through discussing the Bible, praying together, serving others, and attending church.
Does spending time together stimulate you to grow in your faith? Or does the relationship hinder your spiritual life? Choose a Christian boyfriend who stimulates your godliness, not your sinfulness.
He honors his parents
“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you” (Exodus 20:12). How a man treats and views his family, especially his parents, offers great insight into his character. If he is rebellious, mocks or disregards his parents, that dishonoring attitude can carry over into marriage.
Look for a boyfriend who speaks well of his family and fosters healthy connections with parents, siblings, and other relatives. This virtue demonstrates he can lead a godly home.
He is committed to biblical manhood
“Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong” (1 Corinthians 16:13). God calls men to embrace sacrificial masculine leadership in the pattern of Jesus Christ. Look for a boyfriend who understands biblical manhood and is embracing that calling, rather than passively drifting through life.
Does he take initiative to serve and care for others? Is he actively involved in his church and community, using his gifts to make a difference? God wants men to be strong, courageous leaders for their future families and churches.
He loves children
“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward” (Psalm 127:3). Pay attention to how a boyfriend interacts with kids and what he says about having children someday. A man who despises or avoids little ones may not be ready for fatherhood.
Look for affection, patience, and a desire to nurture young ones. Talk about both your perspectives on parenting. Having children in a godly, loving home is a blessing, so make sure you share that vision.
He treats you as a sister in Christ
“Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity.” (1 Timothy 5:1-2). A Christian boyfriend should treat you as a sister in Christ first, before a romantic interest. You should focus on encouraging spiritual growth in each other, not arousing lust.
Make sure your relationship retains a spiritual focus. Guard your hearts until marriage, when physical intimacy can rightly flourish in its proper place. Treat one another with respect and purity.
He seeks to glorify God
“So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” (1 Corinthians 10:31). Ultimately, the godliest characteristic to look for in a Christian boyfriend is the sincere desire to glorify the Lord in everything. That should be the overarching aim of your relationship too.
Keep God at the center of your time together through prayer, worship, service, and discipleship. Evaluate if this relationship is mutually edifying and honoring to Christ above all else. That is the surest way to discern God’s will concerning romantic interest.
Pursuing a godly Christian boyfriend is an exciting endeavor! Remember to keep these key biblical principles at the forefront of your search. Trust the Lord to guide you to the man He has prepared to be your future spouse for His glory.