Losing a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences anyone can go through. As Christians, we want to comfort those who are grieving with godly wisdom and grace. When someone we know suffers the loss of a close family member or friend, it can be hard to know what to say or do. The Bible offers guidance on how we can show Christ’s love and bring hope to the hurting through our condolences.
Acknowledge the Person’s Grief
It is important not to minimize or ignore the depth of someone’s pain after losing a loved one. Romans 12:15 tells us to “weep with those who weep.” Avoid trying to offer cliché reassurances that the person will “get over it” soon or that “it was probably for the best.” Instead, acknowledge that what they are going through is terribly difficult. You could say something like, “I can’t even imagine how painful this must be for you right now. I am so sorry for your loss.” Offering gentle validation lets the grieving know their feelings are normal and that you care.
Share Appreciation for the Person’s Loved One
Focusing a bit on the life of the person who died can be comforting. Share your favorite memory of their loved one, mention the positive impact they had, or point to a virtue you admired in them. Reminisce about their good character or something they accomplished. This shows the grieving person that their loved one was cherished and respected. You could share something like: “Your mom always impressed me with her kindness and generosity. The world was a better place with her in it.”
Offer Practical Help
In times of grief, daily responsibilities can become overwhelming. Offer to assist the person in specific, tangible ways. You could say, “Let me know if there is anything I can do to help lighten your load right now. I’m happy to bring meals over for your family while you take time to grieve.” Making a meal, helping with errands, cleaning the house, or lending a hand with childcare are all ways to show you care for more than just a moment.
Express Love and Sympathy
Sometimes the greatest comfort comes from simple expressions of love. Let the person know you care and are saddened by their pain. Phrases like, “You are in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time” or “My heart aches for you” demonstrate your compassion. If appropriate, give them a warm hug, hold their hand, or just be present with them in their grief. Your quiet empathy speaks volumes.
Point to Christ and Future Hope
As Christians, we know this life is not the end. Gently point the grieving to find comfort in Christ’s love and the promise of eternity with God. You could share something like: “My prayer is that you’ll feel God’s presence and peace to get you through each day. I have such hope knowing we’ll all reunite one day with your loved one in Heaven.” Quote Scriptures that offer hope, like John 11:25: “Jesus said to her, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live.’” This brings light to the darkness of grief.
Follow Up and Continue Support
Often after the initial shock and funeral have passed, the real pain and loneliness of grief sets in. Make an effort to continue checking in on the person over the following weeks and months. Send cards, texts, or drop off flowers to show you still care. Your ongoing support as they navigate grief reminds them they are not alone.
Pray for and with Them
We can be a comfort to those in pain through heartfelt prayer. Let them know you are lifting them up to the God of all comfort. Offer to pray together if appropriate. Ask God to be near, bring peace, and heal their deep hurt. Praying for hope, strength, and endurance allows them to experience God’s love through your care.
Point to God’s Faithfulness
Remind the grieving that though the death of their loved one feels incredibly hard, God has promised never to leave or forsake His children. Share Bible verses that underline God’s steadfast love and mercy even in painful times. You could reference Lamentations 3:22-23: “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning.” Leaning on the faithfulness of God gives hope.
Suggest Grief Counseling or Support Group
If you feel the person is completely overwhelmed with sorrow and unable to function, gently mention the option of grief counseling or support groups. Offer to help locate Christian counselors or ministries in your area that provide these services. Having objective guidance and a place to process their loss with others can promote healing. Just make sure to be sensitive when suggesting it.
Send a Sympathy Card
Taking the time to pick out and mail a thoughtful sympathy card demonstrates your care. Choose one with an appropriate inspirational message and handwrite a personal note sharing your favorite memory of the deceased. Let them know you are available if they need to talk. Sending a card or note in the weeks after the loss lets them know they remain in your thoughts.
Honor Their Loved One
Make an effort to pay tribute to the person who died in a meaningful way. Share memories of them on social media, plant a tree in their honor, make a donation to a cause they cared about, compile a photo album of pictures with them for the family, or suggest naming a scholarship after them. When someone’s legacy is remembered, it brings comfort to those who mourn their absence.
Be Sensitive and Avoid Platitudes
It can be difficult to know the right things to say when someone is deep in grief. In general, it is better to listen more than speak. Avoid Christian clichés that may ring hollow or come across as minimizing their pain, like “God just wanted another angel” or “It was their time.” Simply being present and extending heartfelt empathy is what matters most.
Refrain from Giving Advice
When consumed by grief, being bombarded with advice on how to recover or move on often has the opposite effect. It tends to make someone feel more isolated in their hurt. Rather than telling them what they “should” do, ask thoughtful questions about what would help or comfort them most right now. Follow their lead.
Allow Them to Express Their Emotions
Grieving people need to vent and process their confusing swirl of emotions. Don’t try to correct or minimize their feelings. Be patient and understanding, even if they express anger, guilt, doubt, anxiety or deep sadness. Recognize that they are working through legitimate and excruciating pain in their own way and time.
Send a Meal or Baked Goods
Put together a homemade meal or bake some cookies, muffins or bread and deliver it to the grieving family. Bringing food helps relieve an overwhelmed household of the daily burden of cooking as they navigate their loss. Comfort foods often bring back warm memories and let them know you care.
Offer Reassurance
Grief can be a lonely wilderness. Assure them that what they are feeling is normal and that better days are coming even if that seems impossible right now. Share that the intense pain will lessen in time and you will walk with them through it. Repeat God’s promises of comfort and peace. Your reassurance provides a lifeline.
Encourage Them to Rest and Care for Themselves
The exhaustion and tension of grief take a toll physically and mentally. Urge them to get adequate sleep, take time off if needed, and make their self-care a priority right now. Remind them their strength and healing will be helped by proper rest and nutrition. Their well-being enables them to keep going.
Allow Them to Ask Hard Questions
Grief can shake one’s core beliefs. Avoid pat answers and allow them space to voice doubts, fears or confusion. Admit you don’t have all the answers but your faith remains anchored in God’s goodness. Assure them their honest questions don’t offend you. Reflect Christ’s mercy in how you respond.
Share God’s Promises
Tenderly remind them of biblical truths that apply to what they are experiencing. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes” (Revelation 21:4). “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). God’s word brings light into the darkness.
Suggest Journaling
Writing out thoughts, emotions and prayers in a journal can help make sense of the turmoil of grief. Suggest starting a grief journal as a way to get feelings out and track progress over time. Offer to get them a nice journal designed for navigating loss. Writing brings clarity and healing.
Remind Them to Lean on God
The bereaved may feel alone in their sorrow. Gently remind them that God draws especially close to those with broken hearts. Share that His strength is made perfect in our weakness. Point to examples in the Psalms of crying out honestly to God from a place of pain. Encourage them to pour out their hearts to the Lord.
Suggest Finding a Grief Support Community
See if there are any local ministries, churches or community organizations that offer support groups for grieving people. Having an understanding community that walks the hard road of loss alongside them is very powerful. Offer to help them connect to a group where they can openly share their journey.
Remember Important Dates
Make note of significant days like the deceased’s birthday, the anniversary of their passing, holidays, etc. Mark them on your calendar and reach out on those difficult days to let the grieving know you remember. Your thoughtfulness in remembering reminds them their loved one is not forgotten.
Continue Including Them
After the initial flurry of support, sometimes the bereaved report feeling isolated or excluded. Make an effort to continue inviting them to social gatherings when they are ready. Include them in wedding invites, parties, work events, etc. Your sensitivity ensures their loss doesn’t cut them off from community.
Offer Additional Support Down the Road
Check in on a grieving friend or family member even months after the loss. Loss landmarks like holidays or the one-year anniversary can trigger intense emotions. Drop a supportive text or card during those times. Your ongoing care shows your commitment to walking with them on the long road.
Provide Ongoing Prayer Support
Let them know that you continue to lift them up to God in prayer even after time has passed since their loved one’s death. Ask if there are any specific prayer requests you can keep praying over. Assure them they can reach out to you for prayer any time they are struggling with their grief.
Suggest a Trip or Change of Scenery
A change of environment can provide a needed respite from everyday grief triggers. Gently suggest a trip, weekend getaway or short vacation when they are ready. Offer to help with planning if they like the idea. Getting away to a new setting allows space to process and reflect.
Remind Them Grief Comes and Goes in Waves
Reassure them that the intensity of early grief will subside gradually over time. However, feelings may still come in waves unexpectedly even years later. This is normal. Encourage them to be patient with themselves and allow the process to unfold naturally at their own pace.
In times of loss, our most heartfelt condolences can go a long way in bringing comfort and hope to those who grieve. By extending Christ-like love and compassion through both our words and actions, we point our hurting friends to the God who promises to be close to the brokenhearted. Just being willing to walk the painful road with them reminds them they are not alone.