Christian wedding vows are a sacred covenant made between a man and a woman before God. The Bible does not prescribe a specific set of wedding vows, but it does provide guidance on the commitments and promises that should be included. Here are some key elements that should be reflected in Christian wedding vows based on biblical principles:
1. Lifelong Commitment
A foundational element of Christian marriage is that it is intended to be a lifelong, permanent commitment between a husband and wife. Several passages emphasize the importance of the permanence of marriage:
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Matthew 19:5-6)
“A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 7:39)
This lifelong commitment should be clearly reflected in the vows through phrases like “for as long as we both shall live” or “till death do us part.” The couple is vowing to faithfully uphold the marriage covenant regardless of what difficulties may arise in the future.
2. Faithfulness/Forsaking All Others
Another key principle of Christian marriage is faithfulness to your spouse. The marriage covenant creates a sacred bond between husband and wife that should not be broken by sexual immorality. Bible verses about faithfulness include:
“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” (Hebrews 13:4)
“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor.” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-4)
The wedding vows should include a promise and commitment to be sexually faithful, to forsake all others, and to give oneself fully to one’s spouse alone. Common phrases include “forsaking all others” or “I promise to be faithful to you.”
3. Unconditional Love and Sacrifice
The Bible describes the love between a husband and wife as a reflection of Christ’s love for the Church. It should be marked by sacrifice, service, and unconditional acceptance:
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” (Ephesians 5:25, 28)
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” (Ephesians 4:2)
The vows can include promises to love unconditionally, to lay down one’s life for the other, and to nurture spiritual growth together. This demonstrates the biblical model of servant leadership and mutual submission.
4. Shared Spiritual Commitment
Marriage is not just a physical union, but also a spiritual one. Christian spouses should share a commitment to God and to cultivating their faith:
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14)
The wedding vows can include promises to seek God together in prayer, to worship together, to study the Bible together, and to support each other’s spiritual growth. Shared spiritual commitments help unite the couple’s hearts and provide a firm foundation.
5. For Better or For Worse
In the vows, couples pledge their dedication not just during positive and happy times, but also during seasons of difficulty:
“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” (Romans 12:15)
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2)
Vows that state “for better or for worse” and “in sickness and in health” demonstrate a biblical understanding that trials will come, but with God’s help, the marriage can withstand them through mutual love and perseverance.
6. Leaving and Cleaving
The Bible instructs a married couple to leave their parents’ households and establish a new family unit:
“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24)
The wedding vows can reflect this transition from single life under parental guardianship to the establishment of a new home with your spouse. Phrases like “I leave behind all other families” demonstrate this important shift.
7. God at the Center
Every marriage is made up of three strands: husband, wife, and God. God should always be the center of a Christian marriage:
“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matthew 6:33)
The couple should acknowledge in the vows that only by keeping God first will the marriage be able to honor His design and fulfill its purpose. Promising to pursue a God-centered marriage is key.
8. Roles and Responsibilities
Though men and women are spiritual equals in God’s eyes, the Bible lays out distinct roles and responsibilities in marriage:
“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.” (Ephesians 5:22-23)
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25)
It can be meaningful to acknowledge and agree to joyfully fulfill God’s design for husband as leader and wife as helper. This provides order and thriving.
9. Raising Children
An important aim of marriage is raising godly offspring. Christian couples should vow to instruct their children in the faith:
“Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4)
“These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children.” (Deuteronomy 6:6-7)
Promising to raise children in a God-fearing home and church is a noble covenant that honors the biblical model of discipleship.
10. Growth and Unity
Christian marriage should demonstrate increasing oneness and maturity over time. The vows can reflect a pledge to seek continuous growth:
“Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.” (Romans 12:4-5)
“Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” (Ephesians 4:3)
Promises to encourage, build up, and pray for one another day by day keep the vows centered on godly goals versus just feelings. A marriage thriving in Christ is the ultimate aim.
In summary, biblical principles that are critical to include in Christian wedding vows include lifelong commitment, faithfulness, unconditional love, shared spiritual devotion, perseverance through trials, leaving and cleaving, centering on God, embracing distinct marital roles and responsibilities, agreeing to disciple children in Christ, and pledging to pursue unity and growth together. Christian couples who thoughtfully incorporate these elements are sure to honor God and get their marriage off to a divinely inspired start.