Marriage in the Bible was a sacred covenant between a man and a woman instituted by God. There are numerous examples and teachings about marriage found in Scripture that reveal the beliefs and practices about weddings and married life in ancient Israelite culture and the early church.
Old Testament Marriage Customs
In the Old Testament, patriarchy was the norm and women were considered the property of their fathers until they got married and became the property of their husbands. Fathers often arranged marriages for their children, seeking out spouses that would improve the family’s wealth, standing and security. However, the Bible makes it clear that husbands were to love and respect their wives despite their lower social status (Ephesians 5:25, Colossians 3:19).
When a man was interested in marrying a woman, he would negotiate with her father about paying a “bride price,” or mohar in Hebrew. This payment served as compensation to the woman’s family for the loss of her labor and ability to bear children (Genesis 34:12). Once an agreement was reached between the two families, a covenant of betrothal was made and the couple was considered legally married, although the marriage was not yet consummated. The betrothal lasted for one year until the actual wedding ceremony took place and the couple could live together and consummate the marriage (Deuteronomy 20:7).
The wedding ceremony, or nissuin, was a time of great joy and celebration. The groom, accompanied by male friends and family, would go to the bride’s childhood home with music and dancing to bring her and her entourage of bridesmaids to the wedding site, usually the family home of the groom. The ceremony included the sealing of the marriage covenant, a meal, and the consummation of the marriage through sexual union, which completed and solemnized the marriage (Genesis 29:22-23).
Newlywed couples did not go on a honeymoon after the wedding. Instead, the bride lived in seclusion for a week after the wedding so her virginity could be proven if her husband claimed she was not a virgin. After a week, the friend of the bridegroom would announce that the marriage was officially recognized (Judges 14:10, John 3:29). During the week of seclusion, the new couple was treated like royalty and exempted from any responsibilities.
Jesus and the Early Church on Marriage
In the New Testament, Jesus affirmed God’s intention for marriage to be a lifelong covenant between one man and one woman (Matthew 19:4-6). The apostle Paul expanded on Jesus’ teaching, stating that marriage reflects Christ’s sacrificial love for the church (Ephesians 5:25-27). He also taught that both husbands and wives have conjugal rights in marriage and are not to deprive each other sexually, except for agreed upon short seasons of prayer and fasting (1 Corinthians 7:3-5).
However, the early Christians believed that while marriage was honorable, celibacy was the better path for those who had the gift of singleness and allowed greater devotion to the Lord’s work (1 Corinthians 7:32-35). Many Christians adopted more ascetic views of marriage, in contrast to Jewish culture, which affirmed married life. Yet the Church still celebrated marriage between a man and woman as good and ordained by God.
Traditional Jewish marriage customs continued in the early church. Parents often arranged marriages and brides continued to be much younger than grooms. Betrothal remained central, although divorce became more common in Greek and Roman culture. Wedding feasts were common and bridal preparation included ritual bathing and dressing. Brides wore veils and special dresses but did not wear white, as was later practiced. White dresses came into fashion only in recent centuries.
One significant difference was that Christians did not require divorcees to get married, due to Jesus’ teaching on divorce (Matthew 5:32, Mark 10:12). Widows were also not required to marry their deceased husband’s brother, as mandated under Jewish law (Genesis 38:8). Additionally, marriage between slaves and free persons became acceptable within the church.
Key Aspects of Biblical Weddings
Several key aspects defined ancient Jewish and early Christian marriage traditions according to biblical accounts and church history:
- Patriarchy – Fathers arranged marriages for their children.
- Bride Price – The groom or his family paid a price to the bride’s family for her hand in marriage.
- Betrothal – Couples were considered legally married during the betrothal period before the wedding ceremony.
- Nissuin – The wedding ceremony when the couple came together to consummate the marriage.
- Consummation – Sexual union sealed the marriage covenant.
- Joy and Celebration – Weddings were joyful events marked by feasting and music.
- Bride’s Seclusion – The bride remained secluded for one week after the wedding before the marriage was announced.
- Celibacy Valued – Some early Christians valued celibacy over marriage.
- Lifelong Covenant – Marriage was intended to be permanent and ended only by death.
Marriage customs in biblical times established marriage as a binding covenant between husband and wife. While some aspects of weddings and married life have changed over time, the Bible continues to provide guidance for marriage today. Centuries ago, marriage joined individuals, families and communities together. It ensured the proper provision and inheritance for each new generation. Biblical principles affirmed the sacred union between husband and wife and the need for fidelity and sacrifice to sustain a godly marriage.
By understanding how weddings and marriages worked long ago according to the Bible, modern readers can gain insight into Scripture’s teachings about love, sex and covenant faithfulness. Examining history also helps Christians to reflect on ways they can build stronger marriages today and live out biblical principles in their current culture and context.
Marriage Covenants in the Old Testament
Covenants were central to marriage in the Old Testament and reflected marriage’s sacred and legally binding nature. When two families arranged their children’s marriage, they formalized it through a covenant. God’s covenant with Israel also provided a pattern for marriage covenants.
Covenant ceremonies varied, but generally involved an oath or promise between parties, an outward sign or action to seal the oath, a written document or witness to record it, a meal to celebrate it, and consequences for breaking the terms. Marriage followed this covenant pattern, sealing the relationship between husband and wife before God and their community.
For example, in Genesis 29, Jacob made a covenant marriage with Laban to marry Rachel by committing to work seven years as payment for her hand in marriage. They celebrated with a feast, after which Jacob and Rachel consummated the marriage and it became binding. Covenant marriages brought couples together into new family units and mutually supportive relationships, ideally lasting a lifetime.
Stages of Biblical Weddings
Ancient Jewish weddings progressed through regular stages, starting with finding a spouse and being betrothed, then celebrating and consummating marriage.
Stage #1: Spouse Selection
Families arranged marriages, often when children were young. Matches aimed to improve economic or social standing between the two families. The parents guided the match, but young women could also propose to men directly, as Rebekah did to Isaac (Genesis 24:58). Levirate marriage was practiced so widows lacking a son could remarry within the family to ensure property stayed with the dead husband’s family (Deuteronomy 25:5).
Stage #2: Betrothal
Once both father’s approved, the families arranged a betrothal. This involved the man paying a bride price for his wife and involved gifts exchanged between the future groom and bride. Betrothal bound couples legally and could only be broken through divorce or death. Breach of a betrothal was considered adultery.
Stage #3: Wedding Ceremony
The nissuin, or marriage ceremony, took place about a year after betrothal. The groom went to the bride’s family home to bring her and bridesmaids to the wedding location, often his home. Ceremonies included feasting, music, the marriage agreement and consummation of marriage by sexual union, which completed the wedding.
Stage #4: Newlywed Seclusion
The bride and groom consummated their marriage and then remained secluded in the marital home for 7 days. The friend of the bridegroom announced when the marriage was confirmed. During seclusion, couples were treated as king and queen and exempted from work.
Marriage Covenants in the New Testament
The New Testament affirmed marriage as a sacred covenant intended to reflect God’s love for His people. Jesus and Paul both echoed Genesis 2:24, stating that in marriage, “a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh” (Matthew 19:5, Ephesians 5:31). This covenant was the foundation for marriage’s permanence and fidelity.
Jesus strongly opposed divorce as contrary to God’s covenant design (Matthew 19:6). Paul commanded husbands and wives not to deprive each other sexually but fulfill marital obligations (1 Corinthians 7:3-5). He instructed them to sacrificially love and submit to each other, following Christ’s example of laying down his life for the Church (Ephesians 5:21-33).
The early Church continued to affirm biblical marriage principles. Marriages reflected spiritual qualities by joining believers equally in Christ. Marriage covenants bound couples in love and faithfulness as well as legally. They formed the committed partnership out of which godly families grew.
Purposes of Marriage in the Bible
According to Scripture, God designed marriage to fulfill several key purposes. Although some aspects of weddings have changed, these original purposes remain relevant.
Companionship
Marriage meets people’s need for companionship and intimacy (Genesis 2:18). In Eden, prior to human sin, marriage provided perfect companionship. The prophet Malachi later warned that unfaithfulness and divorce caused loneliness and betrayal in marriages (Malachi 2:14-15).
Procreation
God commanded Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply (Genesis 1:28). Children were viewed as blessings bringing joy and continuing the family legacy (Psalm 127:3-5). However, sex within marriage served marital intimacy as well as reproduction.
Provision
Husbands had obligations to provide food, clothing and conjugal rights to their wives (Exodus 21:10). Wives worked actively inside and outside the home to provide for the household (Proverbs 31:10-31). Partnership, not merely hierarchy, characterized the provider role.
Regulating Sexuality
The Bible teaches that sexual intimacy is reserved for marriage. Virginity was highly prized in biblical weddings. Marriages ensured legitimate offspring and prevented sexual immorality in society.
While some specifics differ today, Scripture continues to present marriage as the shelter for intimate, faithful and life-giving love. The covenant union still provides the ideal context for sexual fulfillment and childrearing directed to passing on faith in God.
Key Roles and Responsibilities in Biblical Marriages
Traditional gender roles dominated ancient biblical marriages, but the Bible presented ideals for both husbands and wives to aspire to.
Husbands
- To love, sacrifice for, and be sensitive to his wife’s needs (Ephesians 5:25-29)
- To manage household and community affairs
- To financially provide for the family
- To protect and care for his wife and treat her as a fellow heir in Christ (1 Peter 3:7)
- To lead his family spiritually as priest of the home
- To sexually fulfill his wife (1 Corinthians 7:3-5)
Wives
- To respectfully submit to her husband’s leadership out of reverence for Christ (Ephesians 5:22-24,33)
- To actively support her husband in his work
- To oversee household tasks and management of the home (Proverbs 31:10-31)
- To care for her children and nurture their faith as their primary teacher
- To grow in purity, discretion, obedience, submission, and domestic skill (Titus 2:3-5)
- To willingly fulfill her marital sexual duties (1 Corinthians 7:3-5)
Biblical marriage roles reflected the larger patriarchal society. However, they balanced authority and submission with mutual love, sacrifice and nurture. Paul instructed believers to outdo each other in showing honor in their marriage roles (Romans 12:10).
Cultural Variations in Biblical Wedding Traditions
Marriages in the Bible reflected the broader cultures Israelites and early Christians lived in. Some variations emerged between different cultural settings.
Old Testament Jewish Weddings
In ancient Israel, weddings incorporated Jewish customs and laws. These included dowries, endogamy to marry within one’s tribe or faith, levirate marriage of widows to their brother-in-law, and purity rituals like brides immersing in a mikveh bath. High value was placed on virginity and sexual purity.
Greco-Roman Weddings
Greek and Roman culture influenced marriages in New Testament times. Weddings adopted some Greco-Roman traditions like veils, flowers, torches, music and feasting. Bridal preparation involved ritual bathing. Compared to Jewish culture, Romans permitted earlier and more frequent divorce.
Early Church Weddings
The early church sanctified marriage but began to shift away from Jewish customs. Believers were often encouraged to consider celibacy before marriage. Weddings became less centered around brides as Christianity gave women more opportunities to remain single and pursue spiritual service. But marriages remained vital for the growing church.
In various cultural settings, biblical principles guided couples entering marriages even as practices adapted. Faith in Christ became central to Christian marital covenants and united diverse groups in the young church.
Advice for Building Christ-Centered Marriages Today
The Bible offers much wisdom that newlyweds today can draw from to build marriages that honor God and last a lifetime, despite cultural differences.
- Make Christ the center of your marriage and grow spiritually together through prayer, Bible study, and involvement in a worshiping community.
- View your marriage as a covenant that binds you together and with God. Approach it seriously and remain committed for better or worse.
- Cultivate companionship, intimacy and love. Seek to out-serve each other, not out-rule.
- Remember that biblically, the marriage bed is undefiled. Seek to satisfy each other sexually and guard against temptation.
- Share provider duties as fits your situation. Support each other’s talents and pursue stewardship together.
- Seek to raise godly children if blessed with offspring. Nurture their faith as a couple.
- Pursue friendship and community with other believers to strengthen your ties to Christ.
- If tensions or unfaithfulness strain your marriage, seek pastoral counsel to reconcile in a godly manner.
Centuries past, biblical principles offered guidance for Jewish and early Christian couples entering marriage covenants. Today Christian husbands and wives can continue to glean much marital wisdom from God’s Word.