Marriage is an important milestone in many people’s lives. As Christians, we want to make sure we are entering into marriage at the right time and for the right reasons. The Bible does not give an exact formula for when the “right” time is for marriage, but it does provide wisdom and principles that can guide us.
Seeking God’s Will
First and foremost, Christians should seek God’s will when considering marriage (Proverbs 3:5-6). We need to spend time in prayer, asking God to clearly show us if this potential spouse is the one He has for us. God promises that if we commit our works to Him, His plans will be established (Proverbs 16:3). That includes our plans for marriage. We also need to seek wise counsel from mentors, parents, pastors and other trusted advisors (Proverbs 11:14). They can often see things we may miss in our emotional attachment to the relationship.
Compatibility and Preparation
The Bible emphasizes the need for compatibility and unity in marriage (Amos 3:3, 2 Corinthians 6:14-16). We should consider things like spiritual maturity, life vision and goals, personalities, interests, family backgrounds and more. Marriage is challenging enough without major differences in key areas. While no two people are identical, significant mismatches often lead to conflict and division. We should also make sure we are prepared for marriage. This includes being financially stable, emotionally mature, and spiritually ready for the roles and responsibilities of marriage.
Commitment and Covenant
Marriage is a sacred covenant before God, not to be entered into casually (Malachi 2:14). The decision should be characterized by prayer, wise counsel, commitment and counting the cost (Luke 14:28). Marriage requires sacrifice, mutual submission, and earnest investment (Ephesians 5:21-33). While the wedding day is exciting, true joy comes from covenant faithfulness year after year. We must be willing to leave and cleave (Genesis 2:24), clinging to each other rather than outside influences.
The Right Person
Ultimately, Christians should marry someone who loves the Lord (2 Corinthians 6:14), has a strong Christian faith and shares similar values and life vision. While attraction, chemistry and compatibility are important, the focus should be on godly character and spiritual maturity. This provides a solid foundation for the intimate lifelong union that marriage is designed to be. Marry someone who you can serve God with as a team, spurring each other on to grow and glorify Christ (1 Thessalonians 5:11).
Timing Factors
While the Bible does not dictate a perfect age or life stage for marriage, there are some timing factors to consider:
- Singleness – Marriage should not be rushed into just to avoid singleness (1 Corinthians 7:7-9). There can be great purpose and ministry as a single adult.
- Maturity – sufficient age, life experience and relational maturity to take on marriage roles and responsibilities (1 Timothy 3:6).
- Education/Career – adequate education and financial stability to provide for a family (1 Timothy 5:8).
- Ministry – how will marriage impact ministry calling and opportunities (1 Corinthians 7:32-35).
- Healing – time to heal from any past emotional wounds or trauma (2 Corinthians 5:17).
- Adulthood – marriage should be entered into as a responsible adult, no longer under the authority of parents (Genesis 2:24).
Guidance for Those Considering Marriage
For those trying to discern if it is the right time for them to get married, here are some areas to prayerfully examine:
- Relationship History – Is there a pattern of healthy, godly relationships and friendships in your life? Have you demonstrated commitment, selflessness and resolve in your relationships?.
- Spiritual Foundation – Are you grounded in your relationship with Christ? Do you regularly study the Bible and pray? Are you active in a local church?
- Maturity and Growth – Do you take responsibility for yourself – financially, emotionally, spiritually? Are you known as someone who is dependable and keeps their commitments?
- Understanding of Marriage – Do you understand the covenant nature of marriage? Are you willing to sacrificially love your spouse as Christ loved the church?
- Preparedness – Are you adequately prepared for the roles and responsibilities of marriage? If not, are there areas you need to grow in first?
- Confirmation – Have you sought input from parents, mentors, pastors and other advisors? Do they confirm your readiness for marriage?
- Peace – Having prayed through all of the above, do you have God’s peace that this is the right time and that He is leading you to marry this person (Colossians 3:15)?
If you can answer yes to these key questions, it is likely a good time to move forward toward engagement and marriage. However, if there are significant areas of uncertainty, lack of preparedness or immaturity, it may be wise to wait on God’s timing. He knows what is best for you (Jeremiah 29:11). Seek wisdom, stay close to Jesus, surround yourself with godly advisors, and trust the Lord to guide you to clarity about when to enter marriage.
Biblical Examples of Discerning God’s Timing
In the Bible, we see several examples of couples who had to trust God’s timing regarding when to marry:
- Isaac and Rebekah – Abraham sent his servant to find a wife for Isaac from among their relatives. God led the servant to Rebekah, showing she was the chosen one. Her family agreed it was from the Lord and Rebekah consented to marry Isaac, trusting the timing (Genesis 24).
- Ruth and Boaz – After Ruth’s first husband died, she eventually married Boaz. They sought guidance from their faith community about the right timing according to cultural customs and God’s law (Ruth 3-4).
- Mary and Joseph – God miraculously revealed to Mary she would give birth to Jesus. Joseph initially planned to divorce her, but an angel told him not to be afraid to marry her at that time, affirming God’s plan (Matthew 1).
In each situation, the couples looked to God’s will, sought wise counsel, gained family support, and trusted God’s timing. We should follow their examples today.
Waiting on God’s Best
Singleness is a gift from God we should steward well (1 Corinthians 7:7). It allows undivided focus on knowing Christ and making Him known. Serving God in singleness can be deeply fulfilling. Marriage also serves God’s purposes. Both states are honorable before God. The key is waiting on the Lord for His timing and not forcing our own. God promises to give us the desires of our heart when we delight in Him (Psalm 37:4). That includes bringing the right spouse into our life in His perfect timing.
We can trust God’s sovereignty and pray:”Lord, if it is your will for me to marry, guide me to your choice at the right time. Grant me patience and faith to wait on your perfect plan.” God knows what is best. He will direct our steps if we acknowledge Him (Proverbs 3:5-6). When it comes to discerning the timing of marriage, the most important question is if now is the time that will bring God the most glory and allow us to serve Him most fruitfully. May the Lord give wisdom and peace as you seek His will.