Why are Christians so mean?
Christians are often accused of being judgmental, hypocritical, and intolerant. While there are certainly Christians who exhibit those behaviors, the Bible calls followers of Jesus to be loving, gracious, and humble. Here is a 9,000 word exploration of what the Bible teaches about how Christians should treat others.
The overarching principle for Christian behavior is found in Mark 12:30-31, where Jesus says the two greatest commandments are to love God and love your neighbor as yourself. 1 John 4:7-8 also states that anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. So Christians are called to reflect the loving nature of God in their interactions with others.
Jesus set the example of what this love should look like. He welcomed society’s outcasts and sinners, like tax collectors and prostitutes (Luke 15:1-2). He defended the vulnerable, like children and women (Luke 17:2, John 8:1-11). He touched those deemed untouchable, like lepers (Luke 5:12-13). Jesus loved unconditionally and instructed his followers to do the same in passages like Luke 6:27-36, where he said to love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, and turn the other cheek when someone harms you.
The apostle Paul also emphasized love’s importance for Christians. 1 Corinthians 13 is an entire chapter dedicated to the supremacy of love over spiritual gifts, faith, and knowledge. “Love is patient, love is kind…It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails” (1 Cor 13:4, 7-8). Paul encouraged the church in Ephesus to “be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love” (Eph 4:2). The book of 1 John repeatedly states that love for fellow believers is a defining mark of being a Christian.
However, Christians still struggle with treating others unlovingly at times. Galatians 5:19-21 lists deeds of the flesh like hatred, discord, and hostility. Thankfully, Christians are not defined by their sinful acts but by Christ’s righteousness. When Christians do act hatefully or judgmentally, they are not following Jesus’ example or obeying biblical commands to love.
Why then do some Christians come across as mean-spirited or intolerant? There are a few potential reasons. First, Christians are human beings who struggle with sin like everyone else. They are works in progress, being gradually transformed to become more like Christ (2 Cor 3:18, Phil 1:6). Sanctification is a lifelong process where the Holy Spirit chips away at ungodly attitudes and habits.
Christians can also fall into legalism, where they emphasize rule-keeping over relationship with God and reflect the judgmental attitudes of the Pharisees. Jesus strongly rebuked the Pharisees for weighing people down with strict rules but neglecting justice, mercy and faith (Matt 23:23). When Christians focused on externals like behavior instead of internals like the heart, they can become critical rather than compassionate towards others.
Many Christians struggle to balance grace and truth, responding with truth in heavy-handed ways that lack grace. Jesus perfectly embodied both in his treatment of the woman caught in adultery (John 8:1-11). He acknowledged the truth of her sin but extended grace with his pardon. Christians should uphold moral truth yet do so with humility, compassion and awareness of their own flaws.
Additionally, Christians sometimes deal with difficult circumstances that can negatively impact their behavior if they don’t draw strength from God. Pain often leads to anger which gets directed at others. Supporting someone who is hurting or bitter would be more loving than reacting defensively.
Christians also wrestle with how to engage culture in an increasingly post-Christian society. Some may come across as angry or afraid when responding to rapid cultural changes, especially on controversial moral issues. Christians should avoid fear-based attitudes and instead interact with humility and grace even in challenging cultural moments.
Perhaps one of the biggest reasons Christians seem intolerant is conflict surrounding faith and morality. Christians seek to live by biblical values while respecting others’ freedom to believe differently. Yet it is easy for disagreement to turn to disdain on both sides. Christians should stand firm in truth while also listening to, understanding, and loving those who see things differently.
Ultimately, when Christians act unlovingly they are not emulating Christ. The solution is continual growth in becoming more like Jesus every day. Through studying his example, walking in obedience by the power of the Holy Spirit, and surrounding themselves with other loving Christians, believers can reflect more of God’s love.
Here is a detailed overview of how the Bible describes godly, loving behavior for Christians, with Scripture references:
Be Humble
– Live in humility toward others, considering them as more important than yourself (Phil 2:3, Rom 12:3, Eph 4:2)
– Have a servant heart, not one that seeks glory and praise (Mark 10:43-45, John 13:1-17)
– Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger (James 1:19)
– Approach others with gentleness and respect (1 Pet 3:15, 2 Tim 2:24-26)
– Be patient with people, as God is patient with you (Eph 4:2, 2 Pet 3:9)
Show Grace
– Recognize that all have sinned and fall short, including yourself (Rom 3:23, 1 John 1:8)
– Be forgiving as Christ has forgiven you (Eph 4:32, Col 3:13)
– Speak words of grace that build others up (Eph 4:29)
– Correct gently while avoiding judgment and condemnation (Gal 6:1, Rom 2:1-4)
– Value relationships over being right; love over legalism (1 Cor 13:4-7, Micah 6:8)
Love Unconditionally
– Love others as Christ loves you (John 13:34-35, 1 John 4:7-12)
– Love those who are unlovable and do not love back (Luke 6:27-36)
– Love your enemies and pray for them (Matt 5:43-48)
– Treat all people with honor and respect (1 Pet 2:17, Rom 12:10)
– Seek unity with other believers (John 17:20-23)
Serve Sacrificially
– Serve others’ interests before your own (Phil 2:3-4, Rom 12:10)
– Wash one another’s feet as Christ did (John 13:1-17)
– Bear others’ burdens (Gal 6:2)
– Share generously with those in need (2 Cor 9:6-15)
– Use gifts and abilities to serve the body (1 Pet 4:10-11)
Pursue Righteousness
– Let no unwholesome talk come from your mouth (Eph 4:29)
– Put off falsehood and speak truth (Eph 4:25)
– Pursue purity and flee from sexual immorality (1 Cor 6:18-20)
– Fix your thoughts on what is true, noble, right, pure (Phil 4:8)
– Be blameless and innocent as you shine like stars (Phil 2:15)
Extend Mercy
– Be quick to show mercy as you’ve received mercy (Jude 22-23)
– Leave judgment to God and examine yourself first (Matt 7:1-5)
– Condemn sin while being patient with sinners as God is (John 8:10-11)
– Bear with weaker brothers (Rom 15:1)
– Be kind, tender-hearted, and forgiving of wrongs (Eph 4:32)
Walk in Wisdom
– Let your conversation be gracious and attractive (Col 4:6, Ecc 10:12)
– Answer gently and with respect (Prov 15:1, 1 Pet 3:15)
– Be cautious and wise in your interactions (Prov 14:16-17)
– Bring healing words rather than tearing down (Prov 12:18)
– Speak only what is helpful for building others up (Eph 4:29)
Model God’s Character
– Live so that others will praise God (Matt 5:16, 1 Pet 2:12)
– Reflect God’s patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness (Gal 5:22-23)
– Be holy as God is holy (1 Pet 1:14-16)
– Be imitators of Christ as beloved children (Eph 5:1)
– Represent Christ faithfully as his ambassador (2 Cor 5:20)
Rely on the Holy Spirit
– Walk in step with the Spirit to avoid selfish ambition (Gal 5:16, 25)
– Be led by the Spirit to produce godly fruit (Gal 5:22-24)
– Rely on the Spirit’s help to love as God loves (Rom 5:5, Phil 1:9)
– Remain in Christ so his love flows through you (John 15:4-5, 12)
– Pray to be filled with supernatural love (1 Thess 3:12)
The Bible makes it abundantly clear that Christians are called to treat others, both inside and outside the church, with humility, grace, unconditional love and service. When believers live out the many “one another” commands given in Scripture, the world will recognize them as Jesus’ disciples (John 13:35). As sinful human beings, Christians may sometimes fail to love as they ought. But the solution is drawing closer to Christ, not compromise.
Christians desiring to grow in reflecting God’s loving character can take some practical steps such as:
– Studying Jesus’ life and interactions with people
– Memorizing key passages about godly behavior
– Examining their own hearts and motivations
– Confessing judgmental attitudes as sin
– Repenting through prayer and fasting
– Serving within the church body
– Completing acts of kindness for non-Christians
– Engaging with humility in difficult conversations
– Building relationships with people of opposing views
– Surrounding themselves with other loving Christians
– Praying for empowerment to love as God loves
The Holy Spirit develops Christlike love within believers as they pursue intimacy with God. Christians should also extend grace to one another, being patient with those still maturing in the faith. Only by relying on God’s strength can Christians live out countercultural standards for how to act.
In summary, the Bible instructs Christians to be characterized by grace, humility, and sacrificial love in relating to others, even enemies. Christians can seem intolerant when failing to obey those commands. But Jesus set the perfect example of engaging others with both truth and love. As Christians grow in becoming more Christlike through the Spirit’s transforming work, they will represent Jesus more accurately and attract people to him rather than repel them. The Church’s witness is strengthened when Christians treat everyone, regardless of beliefs or background, with value, gentleness, and compassion.