In Matthew 19:10, Jesus’ disciples conclude that it is better not to marry after Jesus teaches on marriage and divorce. To understand why the disciples come to this conclusion, we need to look at the full context of Matthew 19:1-12.
In Matthew 19:1-9, Jesus is questioned by the Pharisees about divorce. Jesus responds by affirming God’s original intention for marriage as a permanent, monogamous union between one man and one woman. Jesus says divorce was permitted under the Law of Moses due to the hardness of people’s hearts, but this was not God’s original design. Jesus teaches that divorce, except for marital unfaithfulness, and remarriage after divorce amounts to adultery.
After this frank teaching, Jesus’ disciples respond privately in verse 10, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” Why did they conclude it is better not to marry in light of Jesus’ strict teaching on divorce?
There are several reasons the disciples likely came to this conclusion:
- Jesus’ teaching revealed the seriousness of marriage as a lifelong covenant not easily dissolved. The disciples realize how difficult marriage is and that it should not be entered lightly.
- In the culture of the day, divorce was commonplace. Jesus’ teaching therefore seemed impossibly strict, essentially binding spouses together permanently.
- The disciples understood the dangers of sexual immorality and unfaithfulness in marriage. Therefore, avoiding marriage seemed to avoid potential sin and adultery.
- The disciples may have thought remaining single would allow them to better devote themselves to Jesus’ ministry work.
- Celibacy was often seen as a superior spiritual state compared to marriage in Jewish thought at the time.
Jesus acknowledges the validity of lifelong singleness in verse 11-12, indicating some can indeed refrain from marriage if given that gift by God. He affirms singleness should not be despised. However, others have not been gifted with celibacy and should pursue marriage faithfully.
In summary, Jesus’ strict teaching on marriage and divorce surprised the disciples and made them reason that if marriage was so binding and rife with potential sin, it seemed better to avoid it altogether. While Jesus validated singleness for some, He maintained marriage is still God’s good design for most and should be pursued with faithfulness and permanence according to God’s will.
1. The seriousness and permanence of marriage
The main thrust behind Jesus’ teaching on marriage and divorce in Matthew 19:1-9 is to reveal the sanctity and permanence of marriage in God’s eyes. Jesus teaches that God designed marriage at creation to be a lifelong, monogamous union (Matthew 19:4-6). By quoting Genesis 2:24, Jesus emphasizes the “one flesh” nature of marriage that God intended to be whole and unbroken.
His teaching therefore presents marriage as a binding covenant not to be easily dissolved. The disciples realize if divorce is only permitted in cases of sexual immorality and remarriage after illegitimate divorce is adultery, then marriage is far more serious and permanent than they imagined.
Jesus is essentially restoring the high standard for marriage that God intended from the very beginning. This high view of marriage caused the disciples to conclude it might be better not to marry at all than to enter marriage unwisely or inadequately committed and then be unable to divorce.
2. Marriage as a lifelong commitment
In the culture and under the Law of Moses, divorce was relatively easy for a man to obtain if he found “something indecent” about his wife (Deuteronomy 24:1). Jewish rabbis debated the grounds for divorce, but many permitted divorce for basically any reason if the man agreed to give his wife a certificate of divorce. Marriage was not seen as an unbreakable covenant.
Jesus rejected the lax view of marriage and divorce held at the time. By restricting legitimate divorce only to cases of sexual immorality, Jesus directed marriage back to God’s creational design. The disciples understood Jesus to be prohibiting divorce except for the most serious of reasons. This meant marriage was no longer an optional commitment but a lifelong vow before God.
The disciples seem to think this high standard would be impossible to keep, so they conclude it is better not to enter marriage at all than to get trapped in marriage if it doesn’t work out as hoped. In essence, they did not think they could make such a permanent commitment.
3. Avoiding sexual immorality
One of Jesus’ main concerns around marriage and divorce is that illegitimate divorce often leads to adultery when the divorcees remarry. The disciples understand that even within marriage, sexual immorality is a real concern and threat that can lead to the breakdown of the marriage. They likely reason that avoiding marriage altogether helps avoid immorality.
Paul notes in 1 Corinthians 7:2 that marriage provides a legitimate outlet for sexual desire and offers some protection against sexual immorality. The disciples perhaps think that avoiding marriage and sex altogether would be a better option to steer clear of sin.
While sex within marriage is honorable (Hebrews 13:4), the disciples may feel the risks and temptations around sexual immorality make it safer to remain single and celibate.
4. Devotion to Jesus’ ministry
At the time Jesus teaches on marriage and divorce, the disciples have left everything to follow Him in His ministry. They may be considering that remaining unmarried and childless would allow them to be further devoted to the cause of the gospel and serving Jesus.
Paul notes in 1 Corinthians 7:32–35 that singleness enables greater dedication to the Lord’s work while marriage involves responsibilities and challenges that can divide one’s interests. The disciples likely thought singleness would be advantageous for their mission as Jesus’ followers.
5. Higher view of celibacy
Within Jewish thought at the time, celibacy was often considered a superior spiritual state compared to marriage. The Essenes, in particular, lived in celibacy and argued marriage made men too concerned with pleasing their wives rather than God (Josephus, Jewish War 2.8.2).
The disciples held the common view that celibacy and refraining from marriage enabled greater sanctity. When Jesus tightens God’s standards for marriage and highlights the challenges of marriage, the disciples naturally conclude God prefers celibacy and single-minded devotion to Him above the responsibilities of marriage and family.
Jesus does acknowledge and validate deliberate celibacy “for the sake of the kingdom” in Matthew 19:12. So the disciples’ high view of celibacy was not entirely wrong.
Jesus’ response and biblical balance
While Jesus does not rebuke the disciples for suggesting it may be better not to marry, He responds by affirming there are biblical grounds for celibacy but also that marriage remains the expected norm.
Jesus teaches in Matthew 19:11-12 that celibacy is only possible for those “to whom it is given” as a special gift from God. Paul echoes this teaching in 1 Corinthians 7:7, noting celibacy is a gift not all possess. Jesus makes it clear celibacy cannot be mandated or forced upon people.
Jesus balances valuing biblical celibacy for some while still upholding marriage as God’s good design for most. This aligns with the rest of Scripture that honors marriage highly (Hebrews 13:4) but also recognizes voluntary celibacy, like Paul’s, can be good for undistracted ministry (1 Corinthians 7:7-8, 32-35).
Therefore, while the disciples viewed celibacy as universally better, Jesus corrects this imbalance by affirming both marriage and celibacy as righteous outlets for human sexuality, depending on God’s will for each person. The key is fulfilling God’s calling, whether to marriage or celibacy.
Practical application
Examining the disciples’ conclusion allows us to glean some practical applications for marriage and singleness today:
- Marriage is a serious, sacred covenant not to be entered or dissolved casually. Divorce should only be considered for the most severe of causes.
- Celibacy has special advantages for undivided service to God, but it must be a deliberate, gifted calling not forced upon people.
- Single Christians today should not view marriage as necessarily inferior but as another venue for honoring God.
- Married couples should esteem marriage highly and nurture marital love and faithfulness, relying on God’s help to overcome temptations to immorality.
- Finding one’s primary identity in Christ enables contentment whether single or married.
In summary, the disciples were startled by Jesus’ high standard for marriage and saw associated challenges. This caused them to think celibacy was superior. While we should avoid the extremes of prohibiting marriage or mandating celibacy, Jesus’ teaching calls all Christians to prize faithfulness and service to God in whatever marital state they find themselves.