God designed marriage to reflect His love for His people. He takes marriage seriously and calls us to honor it. Divorce distorts what God intended for marriage. However, God also extends grace and redemption when divorce occurs.
Marriage Reflects Christ’s Relationship with the Church
The Bible compares marriage to Christ’s relationship with the church. Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Just as Christ sacrificially loves His bride, the church, husbands are called to sacrificially love their brides. Divorce distorts this reflection of divine love.
God Designed Marriage to be Permanent
When God instituted marriage, He intended it to be permanent. Genesis 2:24 says a husband and wife “shall become one flesh.” They are joined together by God in a covenant relationship. Jesus reinforced this in Matthew 19:6 saying, “What God has joined together, let man not separate.” God expects spouses to remain committed to one another. Divorce tears apart what God has joined.
Divorce Violates God’s Original Intent for Marriage
As part of God’s original design, marriage was intended to be monogamous and heterosexual. Genesis 2:24 implies one man being joined to one woman. Additionally, marriage reflects Christ’s relationship with the church, which is between one groom (Christ) and one bride (the church). Divorce distorts God’s original intent by dissolving the monogamous marital union.
Hardened Hearts Lead to Divorce
One of the dangers of divorce is its tendency to breed more divorce. In Matthew 19:8, Jesus says that divorce was permitted under Moses because of hardened hearts. Once the option of divorce exists, it becomes easier to give up on marriage instead of doing the hard work to preserve the union. As divorce becomes more commonplace, marriage becomes less valued and divorce becomes the easy way out.
Divorce Harms Children and Society
Divorce detrimentally affects more than just the couple. Children suffer from the breakup of the family unit. Additionally, divorce can lead to a breakdown in societal norms and values around marriage and family. As divorce becomes more accepted, the sanctity of marriage is degraded.
God Desires Redemption and Reconciliation in Divorce
Although God hates divorce, He also extends grace in situations of divorce. In instances of infidelity or abandonment, permitting divorce reflects God’s grace. He does not intend for spouses to stay in unsafe or unfaithful marriages. God redeems the pain of divorce when couples turn to Him for healing and wholeness. He also makes reconciliation possible in some circumstances, reflecting His grace and redemption.
Some Reasons Contributing to Divorce
While divorce stems from hardened hearts, there are also some practical reasons that contribute to divorce:
Lack of commitment to the covenant
Spouses may enter marriagewithout truly understanding or embracing the covenant commitment. Without valuing the covenant, it becomes easier to give up on the marriage.
Unmet expectations
Unrealistic expectations of marriage can lead to disillusionment and disappointment when those expectations go unmet. This can gradually erode the marriage.
Selfishness
When spouses center their identities on their own desires rather than serving their spouse, selfishness damages the relationship. Self-centeredness leads to divorce.
Growing apart
Over time spouses may grow apart instead of growing together. If couples do not intentionally nurture intimacy, they will drift apart.
Infidelity
Adultery ruptures the oneness of marriage. It represents a grave betrayal of the marital covenant.
Abuse
When one spouse abuses the other physically, emotionally, sexually or otherwise, it violates the marriage covenant and may necessitate divorce for the safety of the abused spouse.
Addictions
Chronic addictions like drugs, alcohol, pornography disrupt marital intimacy and trust, slowly corroding the relationship.
How to Strengthen Marriages and Prevent Divorce
Because divorce originates from sinful hearts and behaviors, the solution begins with transformed hearts and Christlike actions. Here are some ways to strengthen marriage:
Value the covenant
Spouses must see marriage as a lifelong covenant, not just a contract to fulfill personal happiness. The covenant remains sacred even when happiness wanes.
Foster realistic expectations
Embrace the truth that marriage involves two imperfect sinners, so perfection should not be expected. Partners must extend grace to one another.
Pursue unselfish love
Following Christ’s model of self-sacrificing love, couples must lay down selfish desires and seek to serve one other.
Intentionally reconnect
Make time to nurture intimacy in all areas: emotional, spiritual, intellectual, recreational, sexual. Shared experiences build the relationship.
Maintain fidelity
Faithfulness in body and mind is essential. Do not allow flirtation or emotional affairs to jeopardize the marriage.
Value companionship
Cultivating friendship ensures that partners do life together even when romance fluctuates. Shared fun prevents drifting.
Communicate honestly
Become vulnerable and open in sharing feelings, needs and concerns. Honest communication fosters intimacy.
Seek counsel when needed
If challenges arise, seek help from wise counselors or mentors before problems spiral out of control.
Pray together
Couples who regularly pray together invite God’s presence into their relationship. Prayer bonds partners spiritually.
How Churches Can Support Marriages
Churches also play a vital role in strengthening marriages and preventing divorce. Here are some ways churches can help:
Premarital counseling
Thorough premarital counseling provides a strong foundation for marriage by establishing realistic expectations and equipping couples with relationship skills.
Marriage enrichment
Offering regular marriage enrichment workshops and seminars provides ongoing support for married couples at all stages.
Mentoring programs
Connecting newly married couples with mature mentor couples gives newlyweds a resource for advice when navigating early years of marriage.
Support groups
Support groups encourage spouses going through difficult seasons of marriage, like having a new baby, job changes, financial stress, etc.
Counseling referrals
Maintaining a list of professional Christian counselors streamlines the process for couples seeking counseling to improve strained marriages.
Divorce recovery
Divorce recovery groups provide healing for people grieving divorce. This demonstrates grace and care.
Preaching on marriage
Faithful biblical teaching on marriage roles and responsibilities equips spouses to apply God’s principles in practical ways.
Marriage enrichment retreats
Retreats offer extended time away for married couples to reconnect spiritually, emotionally and physically without the distractions of everyday life.
God’s Redemption in Divorce
Though God designed marriage to be lifelong, divorce is a reality of our fallen world. Even in unwelcome divorce, God extends redemption. He brings comfort in grief, healing to broken hearts, and grace to start anew. God works all things for good for those who love Him, even failed marriages. His mercy makes reconciliation possible where divorce has occurred. With humility and courage to obey God’s principles, new marriages can flourish. Most importantly, God’s love never fails. Though earthly marriages do, His faithful covenant love endures forever. Clinging to Christ as their rock and redeemer, divorced people can rebuild their lives with purpose and hope.