The topic of cohabitation, or living together before marriage, is one that many Christians have strong opinions about. However, it’s important to understand what the Bible actually teaches on this issue before making judgements. Let’s take a comprehensive look at relevant scriptures and principles that provide clarity on God’s perspective.
Old Testament Principles
In the Old Testament, God intended marriage to be a sacred lifelong covenant between a man and woman. His design from the beginning was for intimacy to be contained within this covenant (Genesis 2:24). Living together or being sexually involved outside of the marriage covenant went against God’s plan. Deuteronomy 22:13-21 details instructions given to Israel regarding sexual immorality and violations of marriage covenants.
In addition, according to Exodus 22:16-17 and Deuteronomy 22:28-29, a man who had relations with an unmarried woman was required to marry her or pay the bridal price. This demonstrated the seriousness of sexual relations outside of marriage in God’s eyes. Though these laws were given specifically to Israel, they reflect principles of sexual purity that are relevant today.
New Testament Principles
In the New Testament, the apostle Paul instructs believers to honor God with their bodies and flee from sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18-20). He emphasizes holiness and controlling passions and desires (1 Thessalonians 4:3-8). Living together often involves ongoing sexual relations outside of marriage, which scripture prohibits.
Some key relevant verses include:
- 1 Corinthians 7:2 – Marriage is the only context for appropriate sexual relations.
- Hebrews 13:4 – The marriage bed is to be kept pure and undefiled.
- Galatians 5:19 – Sexual immorality is considered a sinful act of the flesh.
In addition, Colossians 3:5 instructs believers to put to death sexual immorality and passion. Controlling sexual desire and avoiding tempting situations is an important component of living a life honoring to God.
The Significance of Marriage
Scripture consistently elevates marriage and reinforces its significance. Marriage is used repeatedly as an illustration of God’s relationship with His people (Isaiah 54:5, Jeremiah 3:14, Revelation 19:7). It is also the only relationship where sexual intimacy is permitted and blessed by God (Hebrews 13:4).
Some relevant verses include:
- Hebrews 13:4 – Marriage is honorable among all and the bed undefiled.
- Mark 10:6-9 – God joins husband and wife together in marriage.
- Ephesians 5:31-33 – A husband and wife become one flesh.
Living together circumvents God’s design for marriage. It treats marriage as unimportant by testing out the relationship without commitment. It misses the spiritual significance of the covenant marriage represents.
A Heart Issue
More than just prohibiting specific acts, God cares about the condition of our hearts. Sinful actions like sexual immorality are outward manifestations of inward heart issues.
Jesus emphasized loving God fully and following Him in obedience (Matthew 22:36-40, John 14:15). Part of this involves submitting every area of our lives to His authority rather than being led by fleshly desires.
Colossians 3 calls us to set our hearts and minds on Christ and to “put on” His character of compassion, kindness, and purity. Living together to gratify fleshly lusts is contradictory to these biblical principles.
Unequally Yoked Relationships
Scripture discourages believers from partnering closely with those who do not share their faith. Being “unequally yoked” can hinder one’s relationship with God.
Relevant verses include:
- 2 Corinthians 6:14 – Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.
- Deuteronomy 7:3-4 – Do not intermarry with those who would turn your heart away from God.
- 1 Corinthians 15:33 – Bad company corrupts good character.
If a couple lives together before determining if they share compatible faith perspectives, they may end up unequally yoked. This could lead to conflict and misaligned priorities down the road.
Caution Against Temptation
The Bible advises fleeing temptation and avoiding compromising situations. Living together sets up many temptations including sexual immorality, inappropriate physical contact and lust.
Relevant verses include:
- 1 Corinthians 6:18 – Flee sexual immorality.
- 2 Timothy 2:22 – Flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness.
- 1 Thessalonians 5:22 – Abstain from every form of evil.
Choosing to live together despite these clear warnings shows a disregard for biblical wisdom.
Pursuing Purity
Rather than living together, Scripture encourages couples to pursue purity as they prepare for marriage. Ways to do this include:
- Meet in groups rather than alone to avoid temptation.
- Communicate clearly about physical boundaries.
- Focus on developing spiritual intimacy.
- Spend time with mentors and accountability partners.
- Make sure the relationship is moving towards marriage.
Couples can still grow in emotional and practical ways without the extensive intimacy of cohabitation. Trusting God’s design and wisdom leads to greater blessing.
Parental Authority
The Bible encourages young adults to honor their parents and listen to their guidance about relationships and marriage. However, many couples move in together without involving or consulting their parents.
Relevant verses include:
- Ephesians 6:1-3 – Children, obey your parents.
- Proverbs 1:8 – Listen to your father’s instruction.
- Proverbs 23:22 – Listen to your mother.
Disregarding parental counsel on cohabitation shows a rejection of the biblical principle of honoring our mothers and fathers.
Witness to the World
As Christians, we are called to be set apart from the world and to pursue holiness and righteousness. When we conform to the world’s patterns, we limit our witness and fail to show the transforming power of the gospel.
Related verses include:
- Romans 12:2 – Do not be conformed to this world.
- 1 Peter 1:15-16 – Be holy as God is holy.
- Matthew 5:16 – Let your light shine so others see your good works.
Overall, Scripture consistently elevates marriage while prohibiting sexual immorality. Living together is viewed as sin because it opens the door to temptation, involves intimacy God designed for marriage, and contradicts key biblical principles for relationships. While cohabitation has become normalized in today’s culture, Christians are called to honor God’s plan as revealed in His Word.