Loving others can often be challenging for a variety of reasons. As sinful human beings in a fallen world, our natural inclination is to be selfish and prioritize our own desires and needs above others. However, the Bible calls us to a radical, countercultural way of loving – the way of Jesus. Here are some biblical insights into why loving others is difficult and how we can grow in loving like Christ.
Our Sinful Nature
The Bible teaches that all human beings are born with a sinful nature that is innately turned inward upon ourselves. As Paul writes in Romans 3:10-12, quoting from the Psalms, “None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one.” Our default condition is to seek our own interests and pursue what builds us up, not others. Loving others requires denying our sinful human nature that is wired for selfishness and learning to serve others sacrificially like Jesus (Mark 10:45).
Worldly Values
The value system of the world we live in is strongly oriented toward self-centeredness, not other-centered love. Messages throughout culture tell us to put ourselves first, get what we deserve, fight for our rights, and not let anyone take advantage of us. The way of Jesus calls us to lay down our rights, turn the other cheek, go the extra mile, bless those who persecute us, and love others as much as we love ourselves (Matthew 5:38-48). Living counter-culturally requires great humility and strength from God.
Our Comfort Zone
Stepping out to love people, especially those different than us, requires moving beyond our comfort zone. Loving across social, racial, or religious divisions can be uncomfortable at first. Serving those in need often involves sacrifice and going out of our way. True Christ-like love pushes us to get past the initial discomfort to show compassion to all people, just as Jesus did (Luke 10:25-37). Our human tendency is to stay where we feel safe and secure, but God’s love compels us past our boundaries (2 Corinthians 5:14).
Spiritual Warfare
The Bible makes it clear that we are in the midst of a spiritual battle between the kingdom of God and the kingdom of darkness. Satan actively works to keep us trapped in selfishness and hinder us from reflecting God’s selfless love to others (1 Peter 5:8, John 10:10). The spiritual forces of evil try to divide people and stir up hatred and conflict. Choosing to love others, even enemies, as Jesus commands requires determined resistance against these dark spiritual powers (Matthew 5:43-48, Ephesians 6:10-18).
Judging and Comparing
It can be challenging to love others when we feel superior to them in some way. The sinful tendency of pride causes us to judge, criticize, and look down on those we consider beneath us. But in God’s eyes we all stand on level ground, equally in need of mercy (Romans 3:22-24). Making unfair comparisons or rankings tempts us not to love “the least of these” as we would care for Jesus himself (Matthew 25:31-46). We must see others through God’s gracious eyes.
Unmet Needs and Hurts
When our own emotional and relational needs are not met, when our hearts are weighed down by past wounds and hurts, it can be incredibly difficult to turn outward in love toward others. Our natural inclination is to close up in self-protection and self-sufficiency. We try to meet our own needs instead of looking to Jesus. But only God’s perfect love flooding into our hearts enables us to sincerely love others (1 John 4:19-21). As we receive grace and healing from Christ, we can give it to others (2 Corinthians 1:3-7).
Fear and Insecurity
Fear often hinders us from freely sharing God’s love with others. We may be afraid of rejection, failure, looking foolish, or being taken advantage of. Insecurity may cause us to shy away from engaging people different from ourselves. Fear can paralyze us from taking the vulnerable risks that Christ-like love requires. As we grow in understanding God’s perfect love for us, we gain courage and confidence to step out in faith, overcoming fear with bold love (1 John 4:18).
Busyness and Distraction
In our fast-paced, hyper-connected world, busyness and constant distraction can prevent us from being fully present and attentive to the people around us. When we’re rushed, too busy, or focused on screens, it’s impossible to notice others’ needs and interact with compassion. Technology often isolates us rather than helping us engage. Passively consuming content can displace actively building relationships. Making space to listen, be fully available, and look people in the eyes takes intentionality amid life’s demands.
Self-Reliance
Our culture today strongly emphasizes independence, self-determination, and relying on oneself. While personal responsibility is important, radical self-reliance can become unhealthy pride. If we think we can manufacture agape love through sheer self-discipline and willpower, we will inevitably burn out. Only God working in and through us by His Spirit enables us to loves as Christ loves (John 15:5, 1 Corinthians 13:1-3). As we surrender daily to Him, His supernatural love flows to others (2 Corinthians 4:7-10).
Personalities and Temperaments
Our unique personalities and temperaments also play a role. Some may be more relationally oriented, while others are more task-focused. Some replenish energy around people, while others need solitude. Some are outgoing extroverts, while others are reserved introverts. While God shapes each of us differently, Scripture does not make personality an excuse for failing to love. As we yield all of who we are to Christ, He transforms us to love through our specific personalities.
Lack of Role Models
Having few real-life role models of radical, self-sacrificial love can negatively impact our own motivation and example to follow. Unfortunately, many Christians blend too comfortably into culture, modeling popular self-centered values. Being surrounded by authentic Jesus-followers who live out sacrificial service and generosity helps instill a lifestyle of agape love. It takes humility to admit our need for mentors, accountability, and growth in how we love.
Overcoming Difficulty and Growing in Love
Despite the many challenges, the Bible makes it clear that God enables His people to grow in sincere, Christlike love that serves others (Philippians 1:9-11). As we walk closely with Jesus, read Scripture, allow the Spirit to convict and renew our minds, and surround ourselves with true encouragers, we can overcome the obstacles. By God’s strength, love becomes less about duty and more our delight. We love because He first loved us (1 John 419). Our job is simply to yield to Him (John 15:5).