Getting married is one of the most important decisions a person can make in life. Yet many couples enter into marriage with unrealistic expectations, poor communication skills, and a lack of preparation. This often leads to disappointment, conflict, and sometimes divorce down the road. Premarital counseling can help engaged couples build a strong foundation for their future marriage by addressing potential issues and equipping them with tools before they say “I do.” Here are some key reasons why premarital counseling is so important:
1. It helps couples discuss important issues
Premarital counseling provides a safe space for couples to openly address topics that are vital to marital success but often uncomfortable to talk about. These include finances, family planning, sexual expectations, division of household responsibilities, dealing with conflicts, spiritual beliefs and practices, and more. Having guided conversations about potential areas of disagreement prior to marriage allows couples to get on the same page and work through differences. The Bible advises, “Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it?” (Luke 14:28). Similarly, couples should count the cost and thoroughly discuss major issues before entering the covenant of marriage.
2. It reveals potential red flags
As couples honestly share about their habits, beliefs, and expectations in premarital counseling, red flags often emerge that point to potential problems. For example, controlling behavior, severe anxiety, unrealistic demands, addictions, or crippling debt. Catching and addressing such issues early on provides an opportunity to break off an unhealthy relationship, work through the problems, or make an informed decision to proceed with caution. “Test all things; hold fast what is good” (1 Thessalonians 5:21). Good premarital counseling evaluates a relationship for potential red flags.
3. It improves communication skills
One of the most common issues faced by married couples is poor communication. Many spouses struggle to express their thoughts and feelings effectively or listen well. Premarital counseling equips couples with healthy communication strategies like owning their emotions, using “I” statements, listening reflectively, compromising, and fighting fair without insults or contempt. Mastering these skills early on sets a pattern for positive interactions that will enable couples to better handle any issue that comes their way after marriage. “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt” (Colossians 4:6). Counseling helps couples learn to communicate graciously.
4. It allows couples to adjust expectations
Individuals often enter marriage with an idealized picture of what it will be like. Premarital counseling provides a reality check on marital expectations that are unrealistic or unlikely to be met. For example, anticipating that one’s spouse will meet their every emotional need or spend every evening together. Bringing expectations into alignment with reality avoids much disillusionment and disappointment down the road. “For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it?” (Luke 14:28). Counseling helps couples count the real cost of marriage.
5. It equips couples with conflict resolution skills
Every marriage experiences conflict at times. This isn’t necessarily bad if couples know how to resolve disagreements and move forward in a positive manner. Premarital counseling teaches essential conflict resolution skills like compromise, seeking to understand before being understood, fighting fair, and forgiveness. Mastering these will enable couples to handle the inevitable bumps in marriage with maturity and grace instead of escalation and bitterness. “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” (Romans 12:18). Counseling shows couples how to live peaceably.
6. It allows couples to align spiritually
Shared faith and spiritual intimacy are important in a strong Christian marriage. Premarital counseling guides couples to explore and openly discuss their religious beliefs and practices. This ensures they are equally yoked and aligned on important spiritual matters like church involvement, religious activity in the home, moral issues, and how they will raise future children. Being intentional about spiritual connection from the start helps safeguard marriages against drifting later on. “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers” (2 Corinthians 6:14). Counseling verifies spiritual alignment.
7. It builds skills for healthy conflict resolution
Every marriage will experience conflict at times. The key is not to avoid disagreements altogether, but to resolve them in a healthy manner that doesn’t tear down intimacy. Premarital counseling equips couples with essential skills for managing conflict in a way that honors God and builds up the relationship. These include how to compromise, seek mutual understanding, move past offenses quickly, and fight fair without insults or contempt. Developing these abilities to resolve conflict well from the start helps prevent fractures down the road. “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” (Romans 12:18)
8. It promotes spiritual and relational health
Christian marriage is designed to reflect the love between Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:32). It goes far deeper than a worldly view of marriage focused mainly on romantic attraction. Premarital counseling lays a strong spiritual foundation by guiding couples to put Christ at the center, grow in faith together, serve others, and value the marriage covenant. It also equips them with tools for emotional and relational health like loving communication, quality time, intimacy, and commitment. These lead to true oneness. “God created mankind in his own image…male and female he created them” (Genesis 1:27). Biblically-based counseling nurtures spiritual and relational wholeness in marriage.
9. It leads couples through assessments
Skilled counselors have couples complete questionnaires and assessments designed to evaluate their readiness for marriage and uncover potential problem areas. Topics covered typically include personality traits, conflict style, communication health, family background, relationship history, life values, and more. Reviewing the responses openly offers invaluable insight into how each person thinks, feels, and behaves in various situations. Identifying potential pitfalls early on empowers couples to take preventative steps and align expectations. “Examine yourselves…test yourselves” (2 Corinthians 13:5). Assessments encourage wise self-examination.
10. It prepares couples for lifelong commitment
Marriage is meant to be a lifelong covenant relationship. However, many couples today treat it as merely a social contract that can be dissolved if either partner is unhappy. Premarital counseling reorients couples to the biblical view of marriage as an unbreakable vow before God. It stresses the values of sacrifice, fidelity, perseverance, and forgiveness. Couples are encouraged to see themselves as a family unit and nurture their relationship with intention. Counting the cost now and preparing for selfless commitment provides a bulwark when trials come. “What God has joined together, let no one separate” (Mark 10:9). Counseling lays the groundwork for lifelong marriage.
In summary, premarital counseling plays a vital role in preparing couples for the joys and challenges of married life. It offers a supportive environment to discuss critical issues, identify potential problems early, master communication skills, align expectations, build conflict resolution abilities, foster spiritual intimacy, assess readiness, and lay the groundwork for an unshakeable bond centered on God. Couples who invest in biblical premarital counseling equip themselves to experience truly Christ-centered and grace-filled marriages.